“I’ve always found it totally impossible to be happy. You can’t learn. You can learn to cope being unhappy, to deal with tragedy and disaster, that’s all. It’s not even a matter of not knowing how to relax or not knowing enough about life, it’s knowing too much.”

Morrisey, it's like you read my mind.

Lost innocence ?

I wonder if anyone was ever happy. I wonder if our childhood was in fact as  careless and free as we remember. Wasn't it just a little bit more careless and free than we are right now? I can't be sure...
When you remember your childhood, does it feel good, or does it just feel a little better?

I don't think I will ever fill this hole there is in me. I guess I've always expected so much from my future... I was so miserable that I expected it would all be perfectly fine. High expectations, that was my childhood. Disappointment, that is my present.

Last night I dreamt that somebody loved me.

The Smiths are such a perfect reflection of human pain. They can describe the dustiest corners of our twisted souls. Somehow they make sadness feel a little nicer.
I hope Morrisey feels better now.

Who said?

We're just passing by. All of us, just passing by. We keep on going, because that's what they told us to. To make it by. By where? They forgot to mention that...
I've come to realise that it all happens so fast, so we can relive it slowly, tenderly, painfully. Every inch of a step sticking the dagger that they have pointed at us deeper and deeper. To feel pain. To feel alive. Because to feel the happiness of being alive, you have to suffer. What is happiness besides a glimpse of forgetting? Forgetting the sorrows, the bad times. Because if you think it through you've had nothing but bad times. 
But even if we all know we are doomed to misery, to feel pain, we keep passing by. "Never stop" was what they said. And so we do, because if we did stop, would there be a point in continuing the run?

"once a long time ago i was happy for like three minutes i think"

It hurts to go back in time. And yet I do it every single day since I had to leave that place. I do it because it pains me that they could never see me like I am, in 5 years time. And they don't even know how much they scarred me. With their high heads and cruel words. With their fake love, their whispers and their stares. Whispering about me, about the nothing I was, about the nothing I am.
They think I don't know the pain of regret, or the taste of a spontaneous decision. They think I have it all planed, and so they pretend to envy me. But they only want to make me envy them. And they do.
My envy made me miserable, knowing I could never belong to their world. And I just wanted the pain to stop. I still do, I want it so bad to make it go away! But these memories keep the pain alive, and I can't help but be miserable.
I hope... I truly hope I get to taste happiness soon, because all I want right now is to forget and to move on.

Let the rain wash away the memories of this summer.

I miss missing you

I miss not being with you,
Being your shadow was enough
I miss wanting your touch,
and not getting it at all,
The nights i thought about us
Turned into emptiness and dust
No love, no lust
No desire whatsoever
I miss having hope
I miss believing in something
But now that something is just a nothing
When I remember I don't miss you